In January 1994 I discovered the truth that much of the emotional, motivational, and relational issues of my life were related to my having been conceived out of wedlock, and carried in shame. My father and mother loved me very much. My dad’s love was expressed in the love language of provision. My mother’s love language was expressed in caring and encouraging me to believe her frequent statement, “You are as good as the doctor’s child, as smart as the lawyer’s child, as good as the teacher’s child.” I was my mom’s favorite.

Yet, I remember not understanding why when she wanted to kiss me I would not let her, but would back away insisting she not kiss me. I never let her kiss me until I was forty-two years old when I experienced inner healing through Carol Arnott and a man who was assisting her. While leading the meetings in Toronto that later became known as the Toronto Blessing I would preach at night and go through inner healing during the day. A major spiritual insight gained through my inner healing experiences was an insight into the relationship between God’s knowledge and God’s grace.

When I understood that my will wasn’t nearly as free as I had thought, but that a lot of my life choices were influenced by subconscious needs, based upon hurtful experiences, some going all the way back to the womb, I became more merciful towards myself. I then realized God knew why those feelings, attitudes, beliefs were in my life, even when I did not.

This knowledge was the basis for His understanding of the consequences of sin, and in turn I believe His mercy and grace, all rooted in his love. My understanding grew of the depth of sin, the power of the sin of the parents upon their children, and the effect of these sins upon us born in iniquity or born twisted from the original pattern or plan.

About the Author
Dr. Randy Clark is the founder and president of Global Awakening. Among other things, he also founded the Christian Healing Certification Program.
Learn more about him here »